Education: too precious to be managed by teachers!
Let stockholdersfirst manage your children's education!
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As our name states, stockholders come first. But of course children are important. So while our stockholders are number one, we will definitely treat your children like number two.
Our consistent free-market record of raising standards and cutting
staff when test scores start to creep too high ensures the continual
need for ever more tax-deductible for-profit enterprise to help children hit that moving target. Of
course, this also ensures the continual fiduciary endurance of stockholders'
portfolios with huge monetary gains that would have been diverted to the classroom. In government-run schools, that money would have been wasted on non-essentials like
And really, those field trips are huge market losses. The zoo? The
science museum? REALLY? Wouldn’t it be better for a few people (our
stockholders) to benefit from the field trips of our nations' most precious commodity: our children. At stockholdersfirst, we believe field-trips must be retail-trips to our most profitable stores. Book your Apple, Giant Food Store, or Mall of America Retail-trip today!